Perimeters

I homeschooled all ten of my children from first grade through master’s degrees. It was a massive undertaking that dominated my life from September 1975 until May 2000.During that time, one of my biggest challenges was dealing with the pre-schoolers that were a part of our life for so many years.

I learned pretty early on that if I were going to be successful in my homeschool, I would have to figure out a way to control the pre-schoolers—even when they were out of sight. I did that by establishing perimeters for them that kept them occupied with activities that were safe for them and allowed me to concentrate on school. Ironically, those perimeters proved to be liberating, both for my children and for me. Because my pre-schoolers knew exactly what they were and were not allowed to do while we were in school, there was never any question about whether certain activities were acceptable.

I believe that one of the biggest problems among Christians is that we fail to establish perimeters for ourselves in terms of what we will and will not allow ourselves to do. At this time of year we tend to think more about liberty and freedom than we might normally, but we think of it in terms of being able to do what we want to do. We have freedom of speech, freedom of choice, freedom to worship, freedom, freedom, freedom. What we seldom consider is that unless we are careful, all of this “freedom” can result in our finding ourselves in bondage to sin.

Sometimes we find ourselves in the position of making a decision about something that has been a part of our lives for a long time. In those cases, people tend to say that they are “trying” to stop doing such and such a thing. Nonsense! You don’t try to stop; you just stop.

 This point was brought home to me when my oldest son was about five years old. An acquaintance of ours, who was a chain smoker, frequently asked our children to pray for her so that she would stop smoking. One day when she repeated this request Christopher replied, “No, I won’t! I’ve prayed and prayed for you. If you want to stop smoking, stop putting those cigarettes in your mouth!”

The woman was angry and insulted, and I was stunned. However, I did not scold him. I realized that he was right. She wanted God to take away her desire to smoke, but she did not want to exert any effort. The truth is that if she had been willing to “stop putting those cigarettes in her mouth,” the desire would have eventually left and she would have been free. However, as long as she waited for the day when she would wake up and not want a cigarette, she was never going to stop smoking.

Many years ago I set up some perimeters for my Christian life that have held me in good stead. I made a promise to myself that there were certain things that I was never going to do. They were not negotiable, so I never had to decide whether I would do these things at a time when I might be tempted. My list is a fairly long one, but it has been extremely liberating.

I suggest that each of us make a list of things that we believe are unacceptable and decide once and for all that we are never going to do them—or never going to do them again. The list might include drinking, smoking, extra-marital sex, drug use, etc. The list will differ slightly among individuals, but it should include anything that might keep us from living a fully committed life. After all, making a decision at a time when we are not tempted can keep us from succumbing to temptation at a time when our defenses are down. Making a decision for Christ is not a one-time thing. It involves making the right decisions and then continuing to act on those decisions whenever temptation arises.

For books by Joyce Swann, visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/.