When Fathers Refuse to Lead

The Bible is clear about the roles of husbands and wives: The husband is the head of the household, and the wife submits to him. Right? Maybe not, or at least, maybe not all the time.

Paul writes to the Corinthians, “…a wife is responsible to her husband, her husband is responsible to Christ, and Christ is responsible to God.” (I Corinthians 11:3) Virtually all Christian wives agree that this is the proper order and God’s perfect plan for families, but what happens when husbands refuse to lead?

Perhaps the best New Testament example of a believing wife and an unbelieving husband is found in Timothy’s parents.  Timothy’s mother Eunice was a faithful Jewess who believed that the scriptures had genuine value, and she wanted her son to learn them from his earliest youth. Timothy’s father was a Greek and a heathen. We can be pretty certain that these parents did not agree about how their son was to be taught; yet, Eunice took the lead in teaching him and made certain that he knew the scriptures—the same scriptures that made Timothy “wise to accept God’s salvation by trusting in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:15)

What would have happened if Eunice had waited for her husband to step up and take the lead in teaching Timothy God’s laws?  What would have happened if she had taken the position that Timothy’s father was an unbelieving heathen who set a horrible example for his son, and it was, therefore, useless for her to even try to bring Timothy into a relationship with God? If Eunice had waited for her husband to take his place as the spiritual leader, Timothy would never have played a part in the establishment of the early church.

For a variety of reasons some husbands refuse to be the spiritual leaders of the family. When that happens, does it mean that the Christian wife/mother should stand back, keep her mouth shut, and let the children grow up without knowing God’s word that will make them wise to accept His salvation? I do not believe that we can find any scriptural precedent to justify such a position.

For a moment let’s think of the family as a military unit. When United States military troops are in battle, if the highest-ranking officer becomes unable to lead (through death or injury) the next highest-ranking soldier immediately takes command. Never do the troops say, “Our leader was shot, so now that we have no leader we are just going to stand here and refuse to do anything.” The next in command takes over instantly, and the battle continues. If he becomes unable to lead, the command passes to the next in command. Thus, it is possible that the command could eventually pass to a private, but under the rules, it is not possible to have no one in charge.

I believe that we have ample evidence that when the husband refuses to lead, the responsibility for leadership passes to the mother. This does not mean that she is disrespectful of her husband or that she does not demand that her children show him proper respect; it does means that she recognizes that she will be the one to equip them for adulthood because, “The whole Bible was given to us by inspiration from God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right. It is God’s way of making us well prepared at every point, fully equipped to do good to everyone.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

All mothers should set up a time to read the Bible to their children every day—even if the husband is a faithful Christian who also reads the Bible with the children. Because husbands are gone so much of the time, they cannot always be available for Bible reading. Many travel as part of their jobs; nearly all work late from time to time; most have various meetings that can play havoc with “family time.” It is, therefore, up to the mother to make certain that the Bible reading takes place every day, no matter what.

Another thing that Christian wives can do to ensure that their children grow up well is to make certain that they have a relationship with male family members who will set a good example for them. Christian grandfathers and uncles can do a great deal to teach through their examples that real men serve Jesus. It is important that all children—and especially little boys—have Christian male role models in their lives.

If your husband is a Christian who takes his place as the head of the household and works to make certain that his children grow up knowing Jesus, you are blessed. If, however, your husband is a lukewarm Christian who would rather sleep in on Sundays and then watch the football game, take your children to church anyway. Set the example of the believing parent who knows the importance of church in the growth of a child’s faith. If your husband is an unbeliever who thinks Christianity is for women only, keep praying for him, and continue to set a good example through your own Godly life. Always keep in mind that in the absence of a husband who leads it is your responsibility to take that leadership role and equip your children to live for Christ.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup

The Names of God: Part I--The Lord Who Provides

The Bible is filled with names for God that describe various aspects of His personality. Today’s post deals with a time when our family was experiencing extreme financial difficulties, and I encountered Jehovah-Jireh—the Lord who Provides.

After No Regrets was published Alexandra and I both accepted as many invitations to speak as possible, and the money we received as speakers was an important source of income for our family. Our expenses were paid, and we received an honorarium. In addition, we sold our tapes and books at these events.

In the spring of 1991 Alexandra spoke to a group of homeschoolers, and on the return trip her plane was delayed for several hours. When all the passengers were boarded and the plane was finally ready to take off, the stewardess announced that to make up for the delay the airline would be giving one lucky passenger a free round-trip ticket to anywhere in the United States. She then announced the seat number of the winner.

Alexandra did not even bother to check her seat number. The stewardess kept calling for the winner to identify himself, and finally the man sitting next to Alexandra said, “It’s you. You’re the winner.”

I was thrilled for her. Alexandra gave everything she had to the family, and I felt that this was God’s way of doing something special for her. I asked her where she wanted to go with her free ticket. She told me that she did not have anywhere that she wanted to go.

The ticket was good for only one year, and as the months passed, I began to exert some pressure on her to use it. I kept saying that she needed to treat herself to a vacation with that free ticket. She was working as a history instructor at the El Paso Community College and would have been doing well if she had not given every penny she earned to the family. She could use some of her own money to have a nice vacation with that free ticket.

In February, 1992, when my mother was seventy years old, she was diagnosed with cancer. She had surgery and afterwards had to undergo chemotherapy. I really wanted to visit her, but I knew that was impossible so I talked to her on the phone and prayed for her, but I never said anything to my family about wanting to make the trip.

One day Alexandra came to me and said that she was certain that God had given her that free airline ticket so that I could fly to Kansas to see my mother. I adamantly refused; she insisted. Finally she told me that she had checked the expiration date on the ticket and that it would expire in one week.

I quickly made my reservations and was able to spend three days with my mother right after she came home from the hospital. My stepfather was with her, and she had plenty of money. I did not really need to be with her, but God knew that I should be with her, and He provided a way for that to happen a whole year in advance.

I made a 1400 mile round trip with only ten dollars in my purse. I took my best “at home” slacks, a pair of old Dockers with an iron-on patch on the knee, and an old dress that still looked pretty good. My step father had his birthday while I was there, and I did not know what to do for a gift. I finally went to Braums and bought two ice-cream sundaes to go, one for my mother and one for him, and I wished him a happy birthday. When my mother asked me why I had bought only two sundaes, I said, “I didn’t want one. I’m on a diet.” Ten dollars wasn’t much, but it was enough.

The day I flew home was the expiration date for the ticket. God has great timing!

One of the most important lessons that I learned during those thirteen years is that what we want and what we need are rarely the same things. God did not always give us everything we wanted, but He always gave us everything we needed. During that time, I came to know Him as Jehovah-Jireh, the Lord who Provides.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

God's Button Box

When my youngest son, Judah, was five or six years old, he went shopping for my Christmas gift in my button box. This was done without my knowledge, but he had seen a particular button there that he thought would make a perfect Christmas gift for Mom.

The highly prized button was made of clear plastic and was about a quarter of an inch across. Shaped like a diamond, right down to its facets and pointed end, it was one of a kind in a box full of ordinary shirt buttons.

When Judah had secured his “diamond,” he found a piece of wrapping paper which he crushed around it so that the finished gift looked like a crumpled wad of Christmas wrapping. He then put his gift under the tree with all the others and waited for Christmas Eve.

When I opened Judah’s gift that year, he was beaming. As soon as the button appeared, he shouted, “I gave you a diamond!”

I told him how gorgeous his gift was and how glad I was to receive it. I knew that whatever I did, I could not redeposit it into the button box. After a little thought I went to my closet and took out my favorite sweat shirt—the one I wore every time it was clean—and sewed the button to it a couple of inches below the left shoulder seam. I then showed the shirt to Judah and told him how wonderful it would be to have that beautiful diamond on my shirt every day.

In the months ahead that small plastic button was the source of much joy for both of us. When I was working with Judah in our homeschool, he would often reach out and gently lay his hand over it, knowing that it was special to me. For my part, every time I saw that button, my heart filled with happiness knowing that it represented a special love connection between the two of us.

Judah is now twenty-eight years old, but even now as I retell this incident my heart overflows with joy. Maybe it’s just a Mom thing, but I don’t think so. I learned a valuable lesson from that gift given to me so many years ago with so much love.

I often think of that gift in terms of how we give to God. There is nothing that we can give Him that is not already His. The Bible says in one place that He owns all of the animals, and in another that He owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He talks about the treasures buried in the earth that man does not even know exist. He says in the book of Isaiah, “Heaven is my throne and the earth is my footstool….My hand has made both earth and skies, and they are mine.”      

Most of the time when we give to God we do so by going to His button box and taking what already belongs to him. God honors those gifts, and they are important because through that kind of giving we are able to help others in need. We tend to forget, however, that what God wants most is our obedience and our faithfulness. He wants us to show kindness to others and to share our faith. He wants us to love Him and spend time in His presence. When we give these gifts, we draw close to Him and share a special love connection with Him that only comes from having a personal relationship.

So, what can you give to the God who owns everything? You can give yourself; it is the only thing that you have the power to give. Fortunately, it is the gift that He wants most.

'Twas the Night Before Easter

Last year at this time, I learned that a new Veggie Tales DVD entitled ‘Twas the Night before Easter was soon to be released. I watched the two-minute trailer on line but was not able to tell very much about it. Apparently, it deals with an Easter Pageant in which the local town’s people (or should I say local town’s vegetables) try to persuade a famous singer to participate. It appears to be full of the characteristic fun, music, and Christian messages that make Veggie Tales one of my favorite gifts to give my grandchildren.

It was, however, the title that intrigued me most, and I could not stop thinking about how neglected the night before Easter is in our celebration of this most Holy season. The night before both Easters—the first Passover in Egypt (the precursor of Easter) and the first Easter when Jesus Christ was crucified—are often given minimal attention because our emphasis is on the deliverance from slavery in Egypt and the resurrection  of Jesus Christ and all that it promises.

The significance of the resurrection of Jesus Christ is, of course, of inestimable importance. It is the basis for our faith and our hope. Yet, the night before Easter also has much to teach Christians about faith and hope.

Both the first Passover and the first Easter were nights filled with death, uncertainty, and fear. In Egypt the Israelites witnessed the death of all firstborn males, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh to the firstborn son of his lowliest slave, and even the firstborn male animals—all who were not under the protective covering of the blood of the lamb. The Bible says, “The wail of death will resound throughout the entire land of Egypt; never before has there been such anguish, and it will never be again” (Living Bible). How incredible! The night before the Nation of Israel was gloriously delivered from slavery, on the last day of the 430^th year of their being in Egypt, the Israelites endured a night of such anguish and terror that God promised “it will never be again.”

Likewise, on the night before the first Easter, hope seemed to have disappeared from the earth. Jesus’ followers were scattered, disillusioned, and terrified. Luke gives the account of the two men on the road to Emmaus who were discussing the crucifixion—this was on Sunday, the day Jesus arose, but these followers had not yet heard the news. Nothing had turned out as they had imagined it would. Now their faith had all but disappeared as Cleopas demonstrated when he remarked, “We had thought he was the glorious Messiah and that he had come to rescue Israel” (Living Bible).

Many of us feel as if we are living in our own night before Easter. Some of us have lost our jobs, our businesses, our retirement accounts and our homes. Things have not turned out at all as we had believed they would. We are experiencing financial upheaval, threats of terrorism, and a flood of uncertainty in almost every aspect of our lives. This is a very scary time.

I hope that as Easter approaches, we will remember how hopeless things looked the night before that first Passover and the night before that first Easter. I hope that we will be emboldened by the knowledge that although on both occasions God’s people felt that they had been deserted, they were never alone. God led them out of Egypt with mighty miracles. On the road to Emmaus Jesus appeared to his followers and walked along with them, even though, at first, they did not recognize Him. He comforted them and told them that everything that had happened was part of God’s plan.

The night before the first Easter was an absolutely necessary part of the fulfillment of God’s promise on Easter morning. Whatever we are going through in our personal lives this Easter season, we need to concentrate on God’s promises to His children and not become discouraged. Jesus has called us his “friends” and has promised that He will never desert us. With a friend like that, how can we fear our enemies?

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

Preschoolers Are People Too—Discipline for Children

Webster defines discipline as, “training that is expected to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior, especially that which is expected to produce moral or mental improvement.” Using that definition, this week’s blog discusses training for children that will last a lifetime.

The Bible promises us that if we will “train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) That should be the goal of all parents—to train their children so that when they are adults they will continue to live their lives in a manner that glorifies God and is an asset to society.  Training, however, is multifaceted and takes a great deal of time on the part of the parents. Last week we discussed training for babies; this week we will discuss training for older children.

Children should be assigned household chores as early as age two. They need to learn that they have a job for which they alone are responsible. At our house a child’s first “job” was picking up his toys. I always insisted that they put their toys away every time they finished playing with them. That usually involved picking up toys four or five times a day, but I taught them that picking up the toys was their responsibility. At first it was necessary for me to supervise them. I would point to each toy and tell them to pick up that toy and put it in the toy box.  That was a very time-consuming process, and I had so many things to do that I felt I could not afford to stand pointing at toys while they put them away. After all, I could have done it in a fraction of the time. However, I forced myself to go through this process every time the toys needed to be picked up. Fortunately, the day finally came when I could simply tell them to pick up their toys, and they would do it. After a few years, I did not have to tell them to pick up the toys; they knew that it was their job, and they did it. But, as in most things, the key was consistency. If I had picked up their toys part of the time, they would never have picked up their own toys. They would have learned that if you wait, Mom will pick up the toys.

I believe that the reason training is so often neglected is that it takes so much effort on the parent’s part. Most of us are not willing to spend hours teaching a child to do something that, in the first place, they do not want to do, and, in the second place, we can do much faster and more efficiently than they.

As the children grew older and could take on more responsibility, I gave permanent job assignments for household chores. The training process for each chore took a considerable amount of time, but because a child kept his job assignment for several years, he learned to do it quickly and well. I did, however, try to respect a child’s personal feelings about a particular job. If a child were genuinely opposed to his job, I would listen to his reasons for wanting a different job assignment, and it I thought his argument had merit, I would make the change.

At our house we had rules about almost everything. We had daily Bible reading and prayer where everyone was required to be present. The older children often read their Bibles on their own, but they were required to also attend the family Bible readings. Everyone was also required to memorize scripture each week. I kept this requirement fairly simple, and we all memorized the same verses which had to be recited word perfect by the end of the week. Television viewing was strictly monitored in terms of language and content, and everyone was required to keep the rules, regardless of age.

Although I required a great deal from my children, I always adhered to the same rules that I set for them.  I memorized the scriptures and had one of the older children quiz me on my recitation. I followed the same guidelines that I set for them in terms of television and movie viewing, and I never slacked on my household chores.

I believe that if we are to succeed as parents, we must lead by example. Our children are always watching us, and if they see that we are only giving lip service to the rules we have established for them, they will not feel obligated to adhere to them either. If we want our children to learn to live the kind of disciplined lives that will not only make them a blessing to us and to society but will bring them into obedience to God and result in their salvation, we must be willing to provide an example in our own lives which will point the way to their salvation. And that is what training a child in the way he should go is all about.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

Preschoolers are People Too—Discipline for Babies

When we hear the word “discipline,” most of us think of spanking, grounding, sending a child to its room, withholding a privilege or some such similar action. Yet, none of these is discipline. They are all important because they are part of the punishment phase of discipline, but in and of themselves they are not discipline.

If these things that we have always imagined to be discipline are actually only punishment, what is discipline? Webster defines discipline as “training that is expected to produce a specified character or pattern of behavior, especially that which is expected to produce moral or mental improvement.”  If we accept this definition, we must conclude that if we want our children to become disciplined adults, we must concentrate on training them.

God has promised us that if we “train up a child in the way he should go, when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6) That promise provides a powerful incentive to train our children, but if we are to be successful, we must be willing to devote a good deal of our time and energy to the training process.

I believe that the most effective training is a two-part process that involves both physical and spiritual discipline. If either is neglected, children will lack some important elements that contribute to the well-disciplined life. I also believe that the training that produces a disciplined individual should begin early—preferably at birth. Therefore, in this blog I am focusing on discipline for babies.

Beginning with the birth of my first child I tried to provide a predictable routine that would help them thrive, both physically and spiritually. Thus, training began for our children the day that they came home from the hospital. Every evening I bathed them, changed their diapers, and nursed them. And promptly at 7:00 p.m. I put them in their cribs. Sometimes they fell asleep while they were nursing so that they were already asleep when I put them down, but if they were still awake after eating, I put them to bed anyway. I did, of course, get up in the night to nurse them, and I spent a considerable amount of time sitting in a rocking chair while the rest of the family slept, but bedtime had been established, and this simple bedtime rule began to bring order to their lives.

From the very beginning I established nap times, mealtimes, and bath times. I allowed my babies to nurse on demand, but meals were served at the same time each day. When my babies were old enough for solid food, I fed them their baby meals when the family ate. Because they ate their meals at the same time each day, as they grew older they rarely asked for snacks, and because they rarely ate between meals, they had good appetites at mealtimes.

Another extremely important facet of discipline that I began at birth was Bible reading. When my first child was born, I took my Bible to the hospital, and whenever the nurse brought her to me, I read the Bible to her. When we went home, I took time each day to sit in my rocker and read the Bible to her as we rocked. As Alexandra grew older she was accustomed to sitting quietly while I read the Bible aloud to her, and she did not find it difficult to continue doing so. As each new child came along—a total of ten in a little more than twelve years—he or she became accustomed to listening to the Bible in the same way. The older child moved from my lap to sit beside me on the couch while I read the Bible. Thus, we had a line of children arranged according to their ages with the oldest on the end and the baby on my lap. Because each child was introduced to the Bible reading at birth, I never had a problem teaching them to sit quietly during this reading. When they were very small, they occasionally tried to talk or get up and walk around the room, but I always told them that they had to sit down and be quiet until we finished, and they accommodated me.

A third thing that babies should be taught is to share. Sharing is important because it encompasses both physical and spiritual training—giving up something to benefit someone else. We tend either to “give in” to infants who cry because they want something or to ignore them completely. Neither of these options is a good one. I always talked to my infants as if they were adults. I explained to them that they could not take their older siblings’ toys, and I did not allow the older siblings to take theirs. However, I did make it clear that if no one were playing with a toy, anyone could play with it, regardless of who was the legitimate owner.

It might seem a little strange to talk to a baby who cannot answer, but I discovered that babies are able to understand language long before they are able to speak. By not only telling them that they could not do a particular thing but also explaining why they could not do it, I ensured that at the earliest possible moment they would begin to learn the rules.

Next week:  Discipline for Children

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

Preschoolers are People Too—Be Respectful

When my daughter Victoria was five or six years old, I purchased a Bible Trivia game that I thought we would have fun playing together as a family. One afternoon as I sat reading questions from the cards to the children, I came across one that said, “In Chapter 5 of the Book of Daniel, whose hand wrote on the wall?” Victoria’s eyes widened, and she instantly replied, “It wasn’t mine!”

This incident clearly illustrates the struggle we had in our home with people writing and drawing on the walls.  It seemed that no matter how much I lectured/punished the graffiti artists, they continued to use the walls as their canvases. I found crayon pictures and scribbles on the walls of the playroom, inside the bedroom closets and even inside dresser drawers.  It did not matter that we kept a huge supply of drawing paper at all times.  There was just no substitute for a freshly painted/washed wall.

Not long ago I was moving a beautiful bedside table that John and I had purchased in 1965 into our guest bedroom.  It has an antique olive finish and is in perfect condition.  I was congratulating myself that it had survived all of those years and all of those children and had emerged in like-new condition when I opened the top drawer.  To my horror, the bottoms and sides of both drawers were covered with crayon scribbles in various shades of red, green, black, and blue!

Long after my crayon-on-the-walls days were history, an exciting new invention emerged—the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.  By using it I was able to remove every trace of crayon from the wood interiors of the drawers, and now my bedside table really is like new. The experience, however, reminded me that keeping up with my preschoolers was a full-time job.

I was also reminded that my preschoolers played a vital role in the success of our homeschool. Their cooperation was critical, and in order to get that cooperation I employed a number of strategies that made it apparent to them that I not only loved them, I respected them.

I tried always to put myself in their places and imagine how I would feel if I were they. Consequently, I learned to think of them not only as children who needed to be taught and corrected but also as people who were just as deserving of my respect as the adults in my life.   

For instance, I never said to my preschoolers, “We are busy; leave us alone, and do not interrupt us.” That is just rude, and nobody wants to be treated that way.

Imagine that one day you go to a friend’s house for an impromptu visit. She opens the door, looks at you, and frowns. Just before she slams the door in your face she says, “I’m talking to someone else. Don’t bother us. We’re busy.”

You would be hurt and embarrassed, and you would be so offended that you would probably never go to her house again. Yet, this is the way we sometimes treat our children. We react to them as if they are nuisances who do not deserve to be treated with the same respect we show adults.

Always keep the Golden Rule in mind when dealing with your children. Treat even the youngest member of your family with the respect and kindness you want others to show you. Children have the same emotions that you have. They feel the same hurt, anger, and humiliation as adults. Treat them with the respect that you demand they give you. Help them to feel included rather than excluded.

Your preschoolers are vitally important to the success of your homeschool. Every day let them know that you are counting on them. Tell them that you are proud of them for behaving so well; tell them that you appreciate their contributions. Never be afraid to tell them that their good behavior makes your homeschool possible. They will be proud of themselves for having played such an important role.

About once a month in the late afternoon I called all the children together.  While everyone was present, I thanked each of them individually for something specific that he or she had done that month that had been a special help to me. For the very little children, their contribution was often that they had made me laugh or had made me feel loved, but when I listed their contributions, they felt just as special as the older children. It was a little thing, but I wanted them to know that I appreciated their contributions.  It is a practice that I highly recommend to all homeschooling mothers.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

Looking for Love

Our society is obsessed with the notion of romantic love.  Little girls are mesmerized by the Disney princesses who find their Prince Charmings and live happily ever after. By the time they are eleven or twelve they begin to dream of the day when their own Prince Charmings will come along and take them to that magical place where they will always be loved and cherished, and, they, too, will live happily ever after.

I, for one, do not think that waiting for Prince Charming is a bad thing. A young girl should believe that God has made one special man with whom she can happily spend the rest of her life. The problem arises only when she believes that somewhere there exists a man who can fulfill all of her needs. He will always protect her, always take care of her, and always make her feel loved.

As parents, it is our responsibility to teach our little girls that a Christian husband will contribute much to our sense of well-being, but he is not the answer to all of our problems. Unlike the charming princes of the Disney stories, real men have needs too. They sometimes become ill; they sometimes die; they sometimes lose their jobs, and they sometimes lose their tempers. The real-life princess will need to take care of her prince and meet his needs too. When faced with this reality, many women feel cheated and disappointed—not because their husbands are not fulfilling their duties but because they are not fulfilling their wives expectations.

I came face to face with reality soon after I was married. Although I was madly in love with my husband, the lonely void that I had expected him to fill remained empty. I always felt lonely. Whether in a crowd or surrounded by family, I felt an enormous sense of loneliness. As a result, I felt sad a great deal of the time. I did not tell my husband about my feelings because I was afraid that he would think I did not love him or that the sadness and loneliness was somehow his fault, but I was never free from that ache in my heart.

Then, seven years into the marriage, I came to a point where I wanted a change—not a change in my husband—a change in me. I would come home from work every evening and go into our guest bedroom, drop down on my knees and begin to pray. I told God that I felt dead and empty inside. “I want to feel you,” I said. Night after night I prayed that prayer. I longed to feel alive; I longed to feel His presence in my life.

At the end of the summer a man came into our lives who had an intimate, personal relationship with Jesus Christ. His name was Ed, and he began to teach us the Bible and tell us how we could come to know Jesus Christ—not just as our Savior but as our friend. John and I spent the next nine months with Ed as our Bible teacher and friend. We were growing and learning, but we were depending on Ed to bring us into fellowship with Jesus so when Ed told us one evening that he was leaving El Paso, we were very upset. We told him that we needed him to continue to work with us, but he replied, “You’re ready to move forward, but if I stay here you will continue to depend on me. I have done what I came here to do, and I have to go.”

Ed was right. When he left, we began to rely on Jesus as never before. I opened my heart, and He came in and filled that void. Since that day I have never been lonely. I have often been without human companionship, but I have never been alone. Whether surrounded by loved ones or shut off from everyone, my heat is filled with the only love that satisfies completely.

We must teach our daughters that Jesus is the only one who never fails us. He never disappoints us; He never forsakes us; He never ceases to love us. A Christian husband is a gift from God, but he is not the answer to the longing of our hearts. Only Jesus Christ can fill that void, and when we open our hearts and invite Him in, we will begin to live happily ever after.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

When Date Night Becomes Double Date Night

My husband and I were married for seven years before our first child was born. One perk of those childless years was our freedom to do pretty much whatever we wanted to do whenever we wanted to do it. Making plans was not necessary. If we wanted to eat out on the spur of the moment, we did so. After a week spent working at our respective jobs, if we wanted to sleep away most of Saturday morning, we did so. Most Saturdays, after we finally crawled out of bed, we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant and then spent the afternoon shopping or taking in a movie. We did not need a date night because every night was date night.

On September 30, 1970, our first child was born, and everything changed. In less than thirteen years we had ten children—all single births. Life was no longer about what we wanted to do and when we wanted to do it. Our lives were suddenly focused, almost completely, upon the children and what was best for them.  At that point, we felt that instituting a date night might be a good idea.

For the next few years John and I met for dinner at an Italian restaurant every Friday night. Because he came straight from work, he was always dressed in a suit and tie. I spent a lot of effort dressing and doing my hair and makeup so that I would look my best for our date. And it was a real date where we could talk and eat uninterrupted and enjoy one another’s company in a romantic setting.

Of course, it was necessary for me to prepare dinner for the children before I left. Because I wanted them to have a special evening too, I made tacos or pizza and left candy and soft drinks for them to enjoy while they watched television. Since these were once-a-week treats for them, they looked forward to date night as much as I did, but that additional work of cooking and doing dishes took some of the fun out of going out to eat.

In 1985, after five years or so of date night, my husband lost his lucrative job and we suddenly found ourselves struggling just to keep a roof over our heads. Date night was, of course, the first thing to go. At that point I was forced to re-examine my thinking about keeping the romance in our marriage. Until then I had thought that romantic evenings helped keep our marriage special. I soon learned that our marriage was already special, and that the relationship that my husband and I shared made everything else special too.

Watching television and eating popcorn with all ten children was a wonderful way to spend Friday evenings. They had television shows that they had watched for years while John and I went on our dates, and they soon introduced us to Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, and Who wants to be a Millionaire?

I found that I did not really miss date night. While it had been a fun way to end the week, nothing in our lives depended on it. What mattered was being together.

In 1998 we opened our mortgage company, and by 2002 we were doing well financially. Date night, anyone? Since John and I worked together every day, it was easy to begin going out for a nice dinner together on Friday evenings. There was, however, one major difference. Three of our children worked full-time in the company and we usually baby-sat for our three-year-old granddaughter and kept her overnight on Friday evenings. Thus, date night became double date night. My daughter would drop her little girl off at the office about 5:30 and we would put her in the car and drive to our favorite steak house. The three children who were our co-workers would meet us there.

Those evenings were some of the most enjoyable of my life. My sons Stefan and Judah told stories that, literally, made us laugh until tears ran down our faces. My little granddaughter enjoyed every moment of being out with her favorite aunt and uncles, and John and I had an opportunity to enjoy our grown children in a relaxed setting with delicious food cooked, served, and cleaned up by someone else.

In 2008 the housing market crashed, and we had to, once again, adopt a lifestyle of extreme frugality. No more Friday nights out. We began eating every meal at home and taking our lunch to work. Each year since then the market has gotten worse, and we have had to continue our austerity program. However, Friday night is still as special as ever. My husband and I now go home together and have something for dinner that is not too difficult to cook. We watch television together and enjoy one another’s company. It is a time to look back on the week and look forward to the weekend.

Paul writes, “I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation, whether it be a full stomach or hunger, plenty or want; for I can do everything God asks me to do with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

When we learn to find contentment and purpose in whatever situations we find ourselves, we will have stronger families and stronger marriages.  The Bible tells us that the only thing that lasts is love. When we believe that our spouses are gifts from God and make up our minds to love them in every situation, we have taken the first step in creating marriages that will last a lifetime. The love and romance in our marriages will not depend on whether we have date nights, or double date nights, or no date nights. It will depend on our commitment to love each other in all circumstances, because love lasts forever.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

How to Stay Married--Part II

In June of this year it will be forty-nine years since I promised to honor my marriage vows “in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” This portion of the wedding ceremony is particularly dramatic and brings to mind numerous stories of tragic young lovers who chose death rather than separation from the objects of their love—hapless teenagers drinking poison, falling on their swords, and driving off cliffs to avoid the pain of enduring an existence without their true loves.

After nearly half a century of marriage, however, I can tell you that “in sickness and in health” seldom carries with it the kinds of dramatic elements that the phrase implies. Having a young spouse succumb to a fatal disease is rare. Experiencing health problems that bring pressure to bear on both spouses and test a marriage will, however, sooner or later, play a role in nearly every married couple’s lives.

For instance, it is not uncommon for healthy spouses to remain with their mates while they are battling cancer, recovering from an accident, or struggling to regain their health from any number of illnesses. Too often, however, when the ailing spouse recovers, the healthy spouse files for divorce.  Even in our permissive society, anyone is considered to be a really bad person if he chooses to leave a spouse when that spouse needs him the most, but he can be forgiven and, perhaps, even admired if he waits until his spouse has recovered before ending the marriage. Furthermore, it may be a little easier to care for a sick husband or wife when we have already made up our minds that this situation is not going to last “forever.”As soon as they are well—or at least better—we will move on without them and without regrets.

“In sickness and in health” does not always apply to one’s spouse. The health of a child can also have devastating consequences on a marriage. In 1986 I met a woman who gave birth to a Downs Syndrome child. He was her fourth, and the doctor assured her that his particular type of Downs Syndrome was not genetic and that it would be perfectly “safe” for her and her husband to have another child.

The woman did not follow the doctors’ advice to abandon her newborn son, leave the hospital without him, and go on with her life. Instead, she opted for the heart surgery that was necessary in order for him to live, took him home, and began to study the disease so that she would have a better idea of how to best raise him.

Two years later she gave birth to a second son who was also born with Downs Syndrome—although it was the other type. Again, she authorized the heart surgery that would allow her child to live and took him home.

Having five children, the youngest two of whom were severely disabled, put a strain on the marriage. The husband finally gave the wife an ultimatum: She would either institutionalize her two youngest sons or he would divorce her. She could not even consider abandoning her children, and the husband left. When I met her in 1986, she was completing her degree and working as a social worker for the state where she lived helping families with Downs Syndrome children find the training and services for their children that would prepare them for adulthood.

The illness or death of a child often brings so much stress that neither partner is willing to continue with the marriage. When so much suffering occurs, it is natural to want to get away from everything and everyone who is connected to the grief and feelings of helplessness that become a part of every day life. In times like these we need to remember that we have made a commitment to stay with our spouses “in sickness and in health, until death do us part.” When we remind ourselves that we cannot leave during the sickness, and we cannot leave afterwards when things are better, we take away the options that end our marriages.

Many years ago I read a story in the Reader’s Digest about a man who received a notice from the city where he lived that his house was going to be taken under eminent domain. Unlike most people who receive such notices, this man was delighted. The city quoted him a price for his house that he believed to be above fair market value, and he looked forward to being able to buy a better property for his family.

The children were not as enthusiastic about the impending move as their father so he decided to do something really “fun.” He bought cans of brightly colored paint and went outside where he began covering the house with graffiti. He painted pictures of trees and flowers, clouds, and stars, and anything else that struck his fancy. The children soon joined him, and he handed them paint brushes so that they could add their own artwork to the outside walls of the house. For several days they worked, and when they had covered the outside walls, they painted the doors and even the windows so that not one speck of the original paint showed, and no window was left unpainted.

The father was not concerned about the damage that he and his children were doing because the city was going to knock the house down anyway. They could simply spend the next week or so doing whatever damage they wished—without giving a thought to any possible consequences.

About a week before the family was to vacate the house and receive their check, however, a second notice arrived. The city had decided to reroute their road project, and they would not be taking the house after all.

The father was stunned! The day that he had made up his mind that he was going to be vacating his house, he had ceased to maintain it and had even done things that made it absolutely unsellable. When he realized, however, that he was “stuck” in that house, he went out and bought enough white paint to repaint the entire exterior. He also spent many hours scraping the paint off the windows and repainting the trim.

I think that this is a good illustration of what happens in our marriages when we take divorce off the table. The day that we commit to remain in our marriages “until death do us part,” we begin to look for ways to make our marriages better. We work to maintain them and also to restore them when damage has been done. 

I will end this two-part series the way I began it, “If you want to stay married, never get a divorce, and you’ll stay married.” After you commit to honor that portion of your vows, begin to find ways to make your marriage a place where both you and your spouse will want to spend a lifetime.  

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

                         

How to Stay Married--Part I

A brilliant attorney who was experiencing marital problems with his third wife once asked me, “How do you manage to stay married?”

“It’s simple,” I replied. “You just never get a divorce, and you’ll stay married.”

Clearly, he thought that I was being sarcastic, but I was completely serious. I have always maintained that the first rule in staying married is to take divorce off the table as an option.

On June 15 of this year my husband and I will celebrate our forty-ninth wedding anniversary. When you have been married as long as we have, people tend to congratulate you as if you have won the lottery or, at least, gotten lucky enough to avoid the pitfalls that cause other couples to file for divorce. Nothing, however, could be further from the truth.

I was only seventeen years old when I stood in that small Texas church and took my vows. Like most brides, I was happy and optimistic. I knew that life would be wonderful, and that we would love each other forever: “For better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until death do us part.” As I repeated those words, I had no idea how many times those vows would be tested during the course of our marriage.

As I look back on my own marriage, I believe that couples need to re-examine their vows and think about what they really mean in practical terms. I will, therefore, discuss those vows in light of what I have learned about staying married.

First, in spite of what the old song says, love will not keep us together. Love is crucial to a successful marriage, and if we look at love in light of I Corinthians, chapter 13, we will understand that it goes far beyond romantic attraction. Nevertheless, the marriage vow does not leave love hanging out on a limb like a lone apple. We vow to “to love and to cherish.” Cherish is defined as, “to hold or treat as dear; to care for tenderly, to nurture.”  If our love is to last, we must cherish our mate. We must believe that our spouse is special, and that he is worthy of our love. Even when we find it difficult to hold our spouse as dear, we must believe that God has joined us to him because He holds him dear and He knows that we are the right mate for him. Then we must care for him tenderly and nurture him. We usually apply the concept of nurturing to children or young plants or animals—things that need special attention and constant care. Marriage is a joint effort to give one another the special attention and constant care that each needs to grow and to flourish so that when life is hard, we can turn to one another and find a safe place where we can grow and flourish.

During the first year of our marriage, a family friend who was a successful doctor in his mid-fifties took John and me to dinner and remarked that he “envied” us because we were just starting out. He assured us that the best time of our lives would turn out to be the years when we were struggling to succeed. He went on to say that after we reached “the top” we would find that we were lonely and disappointed.  

At the time, I was certain that he only said those things because we were really struggling, and he had more money than he knew how to spend. As I look back, however, I believe that his remarks were sincere. At the time, he had two failed marriages, and he rarely saw his grown children. He had nothing more that he wanted to attain. His only interest was his medical practice, but even that did not satisfy him. Before he died in his nineties, he went on to have a total of seven marriages—all of which ended in divorce.

That brings me to my second point: We must be prepared to stay together “for better or worse, for richer or poorer.” When we recite our vows, we do not consider that it may be more difficult to stay married during the times that are “better” and “richer” than during those that are “worse” and “poorer.” In the case of the doctor, he did not divorce his first wife until he was in a successful practice and his children were grown.  He had come to a point where he was no longer struggling; he had no more dreams to fulfill, and he was prepared to do something very reckless in order to make his life more exciting. At that point he simply threw his life away and hurt his wife and children in the process.

Proverbs 5:13 admonishes men to “cling to the wife of your youth”. Anyone who has been in a long-term marriage has learned that the excitement and romance of new love cannot begin to compare to the years of shared experiences, shared victories, and even shared disappointments of a life spent with the person you love. It takes a lifetime to create a marriage that can withstand the test of time.

Next week: “In sickness and in health, until death do us part.”

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

Give What You Have--Not What You Haven't

This time of year most of us are focused on giving. Gifts, time, charitable contributions; the list is endless. For those of us with more family than money, this is an especially difficult season. We try to get creative and shop smart, but the truth is that little kids do not lie awake at night dreaming that they will find a package of socks and underwear underneath the tree on Christmas morning. They want video games and talking Iron Man and Buzz Lightyear toys.

It is easy for parents to feel sad or embarrassed or inadequate. We fear that come Christmas morning we will disappoint the children in our lives to some degree. We recoil at the critical stare of those collecting for all sorts of charities when we are unable to help them meet their goals. It is difficult to explain to various people at church why we do not have the time to volunteer for free gift wrapping in the mall or a Christmas cookie giveaway as an outreach to share Christ with busy shoppers.

We tell ourselves that we are just plain selfish if we do not somehow come up with the money to buy those really special gifts or make that generous contribution. After all, isn’t that why someone invented credit cards? Furthermore, if we refuse to make time to perform all sorts of acts of kindness during this most wonderful time of the year doesn’t that prove that we are sort of a cross between Scrooge and the Grinch?

In times like these we will do well to remember what Paul says to the Corinthians:  “…it isn’t important how much you have to give. God wants you to give what you have, not what you haven’t” (2 Corinthians 8:12, The Living Bible). God never expects anyone to give more than he has, and the Bible addresses this point in numerous places.

We have the example of the widow’s pennies (Mark 12:42). Jesus sat watching the crowds dropping their money into the collection boxes in the Temple. Some who were rich deposited large sums. Then the poor widow came and dropped in two pennies. Jesus told his disciples that she had given more than all of the rich men put together because they had given only a small portion of their great wealth while she had given everything she had.

Likewise, Mark 14:3-10 recounts the story of the woman who came to Jesus and poured the flask of expensive perfume over his head. She washed his feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. The Jewish leaders criticized her for her “waste,” but Jesus told them to leave her alone. “She has done what she could….And I tell you this in solemn truth, that wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and praised" (The Living Bible).

These women gave it all. They gave everything they had, but they did not give what they did not have. Their giving was sacrificial but it was kept within the bounds of what they had to give—no more and no less.  Jesus himself proclaimed that these two women had gotten it exactly right.

As we head into the last few days before Christmas, I hope that you will remember these women of faith and follow their example. Give what you have in terms of gifts, charitable contributions and time. Be generous, but remember it’s alright to buy one special toy for your little guy and also include the package of socks and underwear beneath the tree. Make a list of your special offerings and stick to it. Unless you know that God is leading you to give something that you had not anticipated, don’t feel guilty about saying, “I can’t.” Time is the only thing that is always limited; you can never make more than twenty-four hours in one day, no matter how hard you try. Save some of it to spend with your family, and take some to enjoy the wonder of Christmas yourself. Most of all remember to give what you have, not what you haven’t.  Jesus says that is enough.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known speaker and author. Her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother, tells her own story of homeschooling her ten children from the first grade through master's degrees before their seventeenth birthdays.  For more information, visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

What Time is it When the Calendar Strikes December 1?

What time is it when the calendar strikes December 1? It’s Party Time! At our house we make the entire month of December a celebration of Christmas, and that takes a lot of the “work” out of all those holiday preparations.

When I was homeschooling my ten children, they looked forward to the holidays with huge expectations. Of course, all children love Christmas, but like so many homeschoolers, we had more children than money. We could not afford to attend costly Christmas performances or take family trips. Our holiday celebrations had to be cheap and close to home. As a result, we learned to make every aspect of our Christmas preparations into a series of little parties. By making the events leading up to the big day as much a part of the celebration as Christmas Day itself, we were able to satisfy the desires of those little hearts for a magical Christmas season.

One of the things I did was to check out the television listings for special programming. We did not have cable so were limited to the three networks, but that limited selection provided everything we needed. I noted when A Charlie Brown Christmas, Charlotte’s Web, and other special programs would be televised, and I always made it a point to watch those programs with them.

I designated one Saturday as Fudge Making Day. No one was required to join in, but everyone did. We made a huge amount of chocolate and peanut butter fudge which we stored away for Christmas, but everyone had to taste everything and scrape the pans. By the time we finished, they were all full of fudge.

For these occasions I allowed everyone to be as involved as they wished, but sometimes I had to really think about what some of their contributions could be. One year when Victoria was only two years old, she really wanted to help. I put a line of miniature marshmallows, a line of chocolate chips, and a line of pecan pieces on the counter. I then stood her four year old brother on one chair and her on another and told them to eat the various ingredients so that I could make certain that they were good enough to put into the fudge. I told them that they were “quality control” and that if they found any pieces that were not good, they had to let me know right away. Every few minutes I would ask, “Is everything still okay?” They assured me that everything was okay. By the time they had eaten everything that I had put on the counter for them, I had finished making most of the fudge. They felt very important that year because they had made sure that the fudge was “safe to eat.”

Every year we had a gift wrapping party and a separate tree decorating party—we always put up the tree the closest Saturday to December 10. I turned on Christmas music while we worked and provided “treats” in the form of cheap store brand sodas and a big bowl of M&Ms.

Daily Bible reading was always part of our lives, but at Christmas I put aside our regular reading so that the last couple of days before Christmas we would read the entire Christmas story from the Bible. By reading the accounts from all four Gospels, we were able to cover everything that the Bible records concerning Jesus’ birth.

I have known families who are able take lavish trips to celebrate Christmas; they go to ski resorts, or they take cruises, or they rent a house on the beach in Maui. I am certain that they have some wonderful Christmas memories, but I suspect that the most precious component of those memories is the time they spent together at those various vacation spots.

Love and friendship are free. By taking the ordinary things that have to be done to prepare for Christmas and turning them into special traditions, we can make all that “work” the best part of the holiday. We can stop dreading the various tasks that must be performed and start looking forward to a month-long celebration of Jesus’ Birthday that every family member will cherish for a lifetime.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker.  Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master's degrees before their seventeen birthday is told in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information, visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

                                                                         
                                    

A Gift from the Heart

What is the best gift you ever received? I’ll bet that the one that comes to your mind first was not an expensive item. Perhaps it was a small gift you received on a Christmas morning when you were a child; it may have been a meal that someone prepared for you when you were ill; perhaps, it was words of encouragement that someone offered when you felt that you could not go on. Whatever you consider the best gift you ever received, it was probably one that was given from the heart.

 As we approach this holiday season, many of us are struggling financially, and most of us have gift lists that are bigger than our bank accounts. We would all like to be able to lavish extravagant gifts on those whom we love, but, the truth is, that those costly gifts are often quickly forgotten. This season I want to encourage you to look to your heart to find the solutions to your holiday gift giving.

Forty-five years ago my husband John and I took a trip to Kansas to visit my maternal grandparents. John had not met them before, but the three of them liked one another immediately. One afternoon John and my grandfather went fishing, and while they were gone, my grandmother told me that she wanted to give John a gift but that she did not have anything she thought he would want.

I assured her that John did not want a gift, but she insisted. Finally, she said, “I know! I’m going to polish his shoes for him.” I assured her that John would not want her to polish his shoes, but she would not be deterred. She had noticed how well-groomed he was, and she remarked to me that a man who was that concerned about his appearance would love a shoe shine.

In spite of my protests, Grandma went into the room where we were staying, picked up his dress shoes, and worked with shoe polish and a brush until they gleamed. She looked very happy as she worked on those shoes, and when she was finished, she proudly placed them next to the door so that he would see them as soon as he returned. I had not thought about that incident for years, but yesterday John mentioned it to me; he said that he was so humbled by her act of kindness that he had felt close to her from that moment on.

My grandmother had virtually no money, but she was a compulsive giver. She never wanted anyone to leave her home empty handed, and she was always able to find the perfect gift for any individual. When she was in her nineties, one of her sons signed her up for Meals on Wheels. As soon as she began receiving the meals, she asked the volunteer who delivered hers about his family. She discovered that he had two little girls, and after that she made certain that she always had cookies in the house. Each day when he delivered her lunch she gave him two large cookies which she had carefully secured in plastic wrap—one for each of his girls.

I can never remember receiving a purchased gift from my grandmother, but I remember all of the times that she made tea parties just for the two of us. These were not child’s tea parties with fake tea in toy cups. She made real tea with cream and sugar and served it with crackers and butter in her best cups. The tea parties always occurred when we were alone. Many cold winter afternoons were spent drinking tea and talking. As one of twenty-two grandchildren, I felt very privileged to have her undivided attention as we enjoyed our tea, and I opened my heart to her. After her death I discovered that she had spent the same kind of quality time with each of her other grandchildren. She had tailored those times spent with each of them so that the two of them were engaged in something that was special to that particular grandchild.

In The Vision of Sir Launfal, James Russell Lowell writes, “(It’s) Not what we give, but what we share—For the gift without the giver is bare.”  A gift from the heart always costs the giver more than a purchased item because it requires that the giver share himself with the one receiving the gift. When we perform a task that requires an expenditure of our time and energy, we are saying, “I care enough about you to give up a little part of myself to benefit you.”  Gifts from the heart require a good deal of thought and effort on the part of the giver, but, in the long run, they are the gifts that we always remember.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker.  Her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother tells her own story of educating her ten children from the first grade through masters' degrees.  For more information, visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.