My husband and I were married for seven years before our first child was born. One perk of those childless years was our freedom to do pretty much whatever we wanted to do whenever we wanted to do it. Making plans was not necessary. If we wanted to eat out on the spur of the moment, we did so. After a week spent working at our respective jobs, if we wanted to sleep away most of Saturday morning, we did so. Most Saturdays, after we finally crawled out of bed, we had lunch at a Chinese restaurant and then spent the afternoon shopping or taking in a movie. We did not need a date night because every night was date night.
On September 30, 1970, our first child was born, and everything changed. In less than thirteen years we had ten children—all single births. Life was no longer about what we wanted to do and when we wanted to do it. Our lives were suddenly focused, almost completely, upon the children and what was best for them. At that point, we felt that instituting a date night might be a good idea.
For the next few years John and I met for dinner at an Italian restaurant every Friday night. Because he came straight from work, he was always dressed in a suit and tie. I spent a lot of effort dressing and doing my hair and makeup so that I would look my best for our date. And it was a real date where we could talk and eat uninterrupted and enjoy one another’s company in a romantic setting.
Of course, it was necessary for me to prepare dinner for the children before I left. Because I wanted them to have a special evening too, I made tacos or pizza and left candy and soft drinks for them to enjoy while they watched television. Since these were once-a-week treats for them, they looked forward to date night as much as I did, but that additional work of cooking and doing dishes took some of the fun out of going out to eat.
In 1985, after five years or so of date night, my husband lost his lucrative job and we suddenly found ourselves struggling just to keep a roof over our heads. Date night was, of course, the first thing to go. At that point I was forced to re-examine my thinking about keeping the romance in our marriage. Until then I had thought that romantic evenings helped keep our marriage special. I soon learned that our marriage was already special, and that the relationship that my husband and I shared made everything else special too.
Watching television and eating popcorn with all ten children was a wonderful way to spend Friday evenings. They had television shows that they had watched for years while John and I went on our dates, and they soon introduced us to Perfect Strangers, Family Matters, and Who wants to be a Millionaire?
I found that I did not really miss date night. While it had been a fun way to end the week, nothing in our lives depended on it. What mattered was being together.
In 1998 we opened our mortgage company, and by 2002 we were doing well financially. Date night, anyone? Since John and I worked together every day, it was easy to begin going out for a nice dinner together on Friday evenings. There was, however, one major difference. Three of our children worked full-time in the company and we usually baby-sat for our three-year-old granddaughter and kept her overnight on Friday evenings. Thus, date night became double date night. My daughter would drop her little girl off at the office about 5:30 and we would put her in the car and drive to our favorite steak house. The three children who were our co-workers would meet us there.
Those evenings were some of the most enjoyable of my life. My sons Stefan and Judah told stories that, literally, made us laugh until tears ran down our faces. My little granddaughter enjoyed every moment of being out with her favorite aunt and uncles, and John and I had an opportunity to enjoy our grown children in a relaxed setting with delicious food cooked, served, and cleaned up by someone else.
In 2008 the housing market crashed, and we had to, once again, adopt a lifestyle of extreme frugality. No more Friday nights out. We began eating every meal at home and taking our lunch to work. Each year since then the market has gotten worse, and we have had to continue our austerity program. However, Friday night is still as special as ever. My husband and I now go home together and have something for dinner that is not too difficult to cook. We watch television together and enjoy one another’s company. It is a time to look back on the week and look forward to the weekend.
Paul writes, “I have learned how to get along happily whether I have much or little. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of contentment in every situation, whether it be a full stomach or hunger, plenty or want; for I can do everything God asks me to do with the help of Christ who gives me the strength and power.” (Philippians 4:11-13)
When we learn to find contentment and purpose in whatever situations we find ourselves, we will have stronger families and stronger marriages. The Bible tells us that the only thing that lasts is love. When we believe that our spouses are gifts from God and make up our minds to love them in every situation, we have taken the first step in creating marriages that will last a lifetime. The love and romance in our marriages will not depend on whether we have date nights, or double date nights, or no date nights. It will depend on our commitment to love each other in all circumstances, because love lasts forever.
Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.
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