What Can a Grandparent Do?

Whenever I speak to audiences, I usually have at least one person who approaches me afterward to ask what grandparents can do to ensure that their grandchildren will grow up with Christian values. Many of these grandparents say that their children are not serving God and are not taking the grandchildren to church or teaching them Christian principles. 

On Mother’s Day, once again, a man approached me with this question. He said that he had been very careful to hold the line in his own household and to make certain that Christ was honored there. He then added that he was worried about his grandchildren but did not know what to do to help them.

“I don’t have authority in my son’s house,” he said sadly. “I feel helpless because I know that my grandchildren need to be taught about Christ, but the only time I can influence them is when they come to my house.”

This grandfather is exactly right; he cannot change what goes on in his son’s home, but he can influence his grandchildren. As we stood in the back of the sanctuary after the service, I shared with him the following story that I hope will be helpful to other grandparents who are facing this dilemma:

The first week in April of this year I visited my soon to be ninety-one-year-old mother who lives in a small Kansas town a few miles from the Missouri border. Because I was not raised there, I have never met many of my relatives, but when I visited this year, two of my female cousins drove down from neighboring towns to meet me.

As we talked, one of my cousins, who is more than twenty years younger than I, told me about having made a commitment to Christ nine years ago. She added that she had made a lot of bad choices and had gone through some very difficult times before she became a Christian. She then went on to say that the home where she was raised was “horribly dysfunctional” and that her parents had set a very bad example for her and her brother.

I was curious about what caused her to change her life. She was already in her thirties when she accepted Christ as her Savior, and I knew there had to be something that she could point to and say, “This thing caused me to face the truth about who I was and what I needed in my life.”

What she shared with me should bring hope to all grandparents who are grieving because their grandchildren are not being raised in Christian homes. She said, “I had two sets of good Christian grandparents, and they really influenced me.”

I, of course, shared one of those sets of grandparents, and I can tell you that my cousin was absolutely correct about their Christian example. I never heard either of my mother’s parents criticize anything their grown children did, but they lived their lives in such an exemplary manner that they were loved and adored by all fifteen of their grandchildren. I never saw either of them say or do anything that would dishonor Christ in any way. They were church-going, Bible-reading believers whose lives spoke to everyone around them. They did not compromise—my own father was such a reprobate that he was finally banned from entering their house, but, even then, they never said one negative word to me or my siblings about him. I knew that they expected the best from me, but I was never put in a position where I felt guilty about or embarrassed by my father’s bad actions.

Through talking with my cousin, I was reminded that grandparents have an enormous influence on their grandchildren. It is our duty to set a good example and tell them about Jesus’ love for them. If we live in close proximity, we can take them to church with us. We can tell them about Jesus both with our lips and with our lives.

We cannot change what goes on in our grown children’s homes, but we can control what goes on in ours. We can show some “tough love” when the occasion calls for it, and we can show “gentle love” the rest of the time. But the most important thing that we can do is set an example that will endure so that when our grandchildren are grown, they will remember how we lived and say, “That’s what I want for my life.”

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother.   Her newest novel, The Warrior, will be released June 1, 2012. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup

When Fathers Refuse to Lead

The Bible is clear about the roles of husbands and wives: The husband is the head of the household, and the wife submits to him. Right? Maybe not, or at least, maybe not all the time.

Paul writes to the Corinthians, “…a wife is responsible to her husband, her husband is responsible to Christ, and Christ is responsible to God.” (I Corinthians 11:3) Virtually all Christian wives agree that this is the proper order and God’s perfect plan for families, but what happens when husbands refuse to lead?

Perhaps the best New Testament example of a believing wife and an unbelieving husband is found in Timothy’s parents.  Timothy’s mother Eunice was a faithful Jewess who believed that the scriptures had genuine value, and she wanted her son to learn them from his earliest youth. Timothy’s father was a Greek and a heathen. We can be pretty certain that these parents did not agree about how their son was to be taught; yet, Eunice took the lead in teaching him and made certain that he knew the scriptures—the same scriptures that made Timothy “wise to accept God’s salvation by trusting in Christ Jesus.” (2 Timothy 3:15)

What would have happened if Eunice had waited for her husband to step up and take the lead in teaching Timothy God’s laws?  What would have happened if she had taken the position that Timothy’s father was an unbelieving heathen who set a horrible example for his son, and it was, therefore, useless for her to even try to bring Timothy into a relationship with God? If Eunice had waited for her husband to take his place as the spiritual leader, Timothy would never have played a part in the establishment of the early church.

For a variety of reasons some husbands refuse to be the spiritual leaders of the family. When that happens, does it mean that the Christian wife/mother should stand back, keep her mouth shut, and let the children grow up without knowing God’s word that will make them wise to accept His salvation? I do not believe that we can find any scriptural precedent to justify such a position.

For a moment let’s think of the family as a military unit. When United States military troops are in battle, if the highest-ranking officer becomes unable to lead (through death or injury) the next highest-ranking soldier immediately takes command. Never do the troops say, “Our leader was shot, so now that we have no leader we are just going to stand here and refuse to do anything.” The next in command takes over instantly, and the battle continues. If he becomes unable to lead, the command passes to the next in command. Thus, it is possible that the command could eventually pass to a private, but under the rules, it is not possible to have no one in charge.

I believe that we have ample evidence that when the husband refuses to lead, the responsibility for leadership passes to the mother. This does not mean that she is disrespectful of her husband or that she does not demand that her children show him proper respect; it does means that she recognizes that she will be the one to equip them for adulthood because, “The whole Bible was given to us by inspiration from God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right. It is God’s way of making us well prepared at every point, fully equipped to do good to everyone.” (2 Timothy 3:16-17)

All mothers should set up a time to read the Bible to their children every day—even if the husband is a faithful Christian who also reads the Bible with the children. Because husbands are gone so much of the time, they cannot always be available for Bible reading. Many travel as part of their jobs; nearly all work late from time to time; most have various meetings that can play havoc with “family time.” It is, therefore, up to the mother to make certain that the Bible reading takes place every day, no matter what.

Another thing that Christian wives can do to ensure that their children grow up well is to make certain that they have a relationship with male family members who will set a good example for them. Christian grandfathers and uncles can do a great deal to teach through their examples that real men serve Jesus. It is important that all children—and especially little boys—have Christian male role models in their lives.

If your husband is a Christian who takes his place as the head of the household and works to make certain that his children grow up knowing Jesus, you are blessed. If, however, your husband is a lukewarm Christian who would rather sleep in on Sundays and then watch the football game, take your children to church anyway. Set the example of the believing parent who knows the importance of church in the growth of a child’s faith. If your husband is an unbeliever who thinks Christianity is for women only, keep praying for him, and continue to set a good example through your own Godly life. Always keep in mind that in the absence of a husband who leads it is your responsibility to take that leadership role and equip your children to live for Christ.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup

Little Boys Lost

Little boys love to attend church, and they love to pray. When they reach adulthood, however, many of them no longer have much interest in either church or prayer. What happens in those intervening years to change their minds?

A few days ago my daughter, Alexandra, and I were discussing the children in our family—my grandchildren and her nieces and nephews—and how much they enjoy praying. As we talked Alexandra said, “Have you noticed that the boys are much more interested in both prayer and church than the girls?”

I responded that I had never thought about it, but it is true that the little boys have a genuine zeal that seems to be largely lacking in the little girls.

Alexandra then asked, “Why do think it is that by the time they are grown, men are no longer very interested? After all, statistics show that many more women attend church than men.”

I spent several days pondering this question, and I now think I have some insight into what happens between the ages of six and twenty that draws men away from church.

First, we must remember that little boys are just men in the making. They are aggressive; they are bold; they like to be in control; they like to lead; they like to protect. These are all good qualities which are important components of what sets them apart as male.

Second, because little boys possess these qualities, they naturally like to pray. They believe that their prayers are important and that they will be answered. They have no problem with faith; they are certain that God hears their prayers.

Third, little boys are confident that their opinions matter. When they attend Sunday school and various other church related activities, they like to lead.

When little boys and little girls are put together in the same activities, however, little boys often pull back. Little girls mature more quickly and are much more vocal than little boys. Because little girls are women in the making, they talk a LOT. They are little girl chatterboxes on their way to becoming adult women chatterboxes. This is not a bad thing—it is who little girls are, and it should not be discouraged. The problem is that most of the time church activities do not encourage boys to be boys, and when they are faced with little girls who talk over them, they tend to shut down and withdraw.

Frankly, I would like to see a number of church related “boys only” activities as well as a number of “girls only” activities. I would like to see church sports teams for little boys—flag football, baseball, etc. I would like to see well-chaperoned camping trips that include as many fathers as are able to attend. I would like to see little boys ushering, handing out bulletins, and doing many other jobs normally reserved for adult men. It is important for little boys to understand that church is not just for women; it is a place for men to lead, and teach, and serve.

If we want our little boys to grow into men who are faithful church goers, we must make certain that they grow up knowing that the church needs bold men of God who are willing to take the lead in teaching, decision making, and protecting the flock. If we can accomplish this, we will make certain that the next generation will have the leadership necessary to advance Christianity throughout the world.

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

My House, God's Rules

As Mother’s Day approaches, we tend to think about what we can do to be better mothers. Most of us probably feel some sense of having failed to do everything we should to ensure that our children become the Godly individuals that we want them to be. This Mother’s Day, however, I hope that we will resolve to make a commitment to establish our homes as places where Jesus Christ is honored, and where His rules are never compromised. If we will do that, we will have come a long way toward becoming the Godly women that He created us to be.

After they had entered the Promised Land, Joshua called the people of Israel to him at Shechem and gave them instructions concerning their responsibilities to God. He told them that they must revere Jehovah and serve him in “sincerity and truth” and put away forever the idols that their ancestors had worshiped when they had lived beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt.

Joshua told the people that they must choose whom they would serve—the heathen gods or Jehovah. Then he concluded by saying, “But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” (Joshua 24)

Joshua was the leader of God’s people, but they lived in a world where wickedness abounded. All of the surrounding nations were idol worshipers who indulged in the most horrible practices imaginable, and there was an ongoing spiritual battle to lure God’s people to participate in their ceremonies.

Yet, Joshua presented a very simple plan to the people of Israel: He told them to make a choice about whom they would serve, and then he declared his own choice—that he and his house would serve the Lord.

I believe that today we live in circumstances very similar to those Joshua encountered. We have the world-wide Church with its millions of sincere believers, but we are surrounded by those who hate Christ and who are always lurking about trying to seduce God’s people to join them in their wicked practices. It is, therefore, important to understand Joshua’s declaration concerning his own house.

First, he made it clear that each of the people of Israel had to decide for themselves whether they would respond to God’s laws and live accordingly, and he warned them that if they deserted God they would be destroyed—even though God had cared for them for such a long time.

Second, he took authority over the areas that he could personally control. He alone would decide what would take place within the confines of his own house, and his decision was that his house would be a place to honor God.

I have known a number of Christians who keep lowering the spiritual bar in their own homes because they want to keep their children close. They overlook drinking, pot smoking, and porn because they feel safer “knowing where their children are.” I do feel sympathy for these parents, but I do not support their decision.

Minor children need to understand, “This is my house, and everyone who lives here lives under God’s rules.”  It may sound harsh, but this attitude is entirely necessary.

When our children are grown and have their own homes, we cannot control their behavior. We hope that our teaching and example have been sufficient to lead them into their own relationships with Christ and their own decisions to follow Him, but, when they become adults, children must decide for themselves whom they will follow.

The one thing we can always control is what goes on inside our own houses. Grown children who are not serving the Lord must understand that our houses are dedicated to the service of Jesus Christ and that no conduct that dishonors Him will be tolerated there. No matter what their ages the rule still applies, “My house, God’s rules.”

Joshua 24:31 says, “Israel obeyed the Lord throughout the lifetimes of Joshua and the other old men who had personally witnessed the amazing deeds which the Lord had done for Israel.” Those of us who are now the “old” men and women who have witnessed amazing deeds that God has done in our lives have a responsibility to the younger generation. It is our duty to never let them forget what God has done for us as a country, as families, and as individuals. By reminding our children that we are set apart for His service, we ensure that they will one day be the “old” people who will set the example for future generations and will say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.

A Really Good Mom

Today it is especially hard to know how to be a “good” mom. Child psychologists, educators, and church leaders all have their own definitions of what constitutes an outstanding mother.

Some “experts” say that the best mothers are ones who demand little and allow their children to live their own lives—even to the extent that they may in their early teens decide that they were born into a body of the “wrong” sex.  Those who advocate this method of parenting believe that she who mothers least mothers best.

On the other hand, some child “experts” advocate the form of parenting adopted by Chinese Tiger Moms who force their children to study and practice on musical instruments until they are exhausted. Tiger Moms are cold, abusive, and cruel; their children fear them and cower at the sight of them. Yet, these moms are being praised in our press as moms who know how to get results.

Somewhere in between are the “experts” who advocate more normal parenting but vary in their opinions of how much should be expected of a child in terms of obedience, good school performance, and individual responsibility. They run the gamut from those who punish with a “time out” to those who advise corporal punishment to combat disobedience.

 As I thought about writing my Mother’s Day blog, I searched the Bible for scriptures that would shed some light on what we mothers need to do to raise godly children. Surprisingly, the Bible has little to say about mothering. It provides some examples of excellent mothers, but it does not give much specific advice for how a mother ought to fulfill her duties. I did, however, find a recurring theme throughout both the Old and New Testaments that I believe is the key to becoming a really good mom.

Little children were brought for Jesus to lay his hands on them and pray. But the disciples scolded those who brought them. “Don’t bother him,” they said.

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and don’t prevent them. For of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.” And he put his hands on their heads and blessed them before he left.  Matthew 19:13-15

First, bring your children to Jesus at birth, and keep them close to Him throughout their lives. It took some effort for those mothers mentioned in Matthew to physically take their children to see Jesus and to experience His blessing, and it takes some effort for us to take our children to church, to Sunday school, to vacation Bible school, and to the various church activities designed for children. It takes physical effort on our parts to make certain that they are involved in the kinds of activities that will lay the foundation for a life-long relationship with Jesus Christ. But when we understand that He is waiting to bless them and fellowship with them, I think that we would be very remiss not to take advantage of the many opportunities available to our children, if only we are willing to take them to Him.

You know how, when you were a small child, you were taught the Holy Scriptures; and it is these that make you wise to accept God’s salvation by trusting in Christ Jesus. The whole Bible was given to us by inspiration from God and is useful to teach us what is true and to make us realize what is wrong in our lives; it straightens us out and helps us do what is right. It is God’s way of making us well prepared at every point, fully equipped to do good to everyone.  2 Timothy 3:15-17

Second, teach our children the scriptures. In the above passage Paul is addressing Timothy who was taught the scriptures by his mother Eunice and his grandmother Lois. (2 Timothy 1:5) Timothy’s father was Greek and probably not a believer; yet, his mother did not neglect teaching her son the scriptures that would prepare him for a powerful ministry which would begin while he was still a very young man.

As Christian women we talk quite a lot about our husbands being the heads of the household. We tend to wait for them to take the lead in all matters spiritual. However, if for whatever reason our husbands fail to take the lead in reading the Bible to our children, then it is up to us to get the job done. I read the Bible to my ten children every day from the day of their births. Sometimes my husband was present for these readings, but more often than not, he was absent. No mother need ever neglect teaching her children the scriptures because her husband is working or away on business, or simply not a Christian. By taking on the responsibility of teaching them God’s word, she will be making them wise to accept God’s salvation by trusting in Jesus Christ and fully equipping them to do good to everyone.

O Israel, listen: Jehovah is our God, Jehovah alone. You must love Him with all your heart, soul, and might. And you must think constantly about these commandments I am giving you today. You must teach them to your children and talk about them when you are at home or out for a walk; at bedtime and the first thing in the morning. Tie them on your finger, wear them on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house.  Deuteronomy 6:4-9

Third, make the scriptures a constant presence in our homes. We mothers spend more time with our children than anyone else. We are their first teachers and their first examples of Christianity in action. The Bible admonishes us to love God above all else and to think constantly about his commandments. Then it instructs us to teach them to our children—not just when we are having family Bible reading or are in a church setting.  Every minute of every day we are to teach our children, both by example and by the spoken word to love Him more than anything and to study His word so that they will be prepared to do those things that He has planned for them.

If we will concentrate on making these three things central to our lives, we will have fulfilled our responsibilities as mothers. And if God declares us to be really good moms, who can argue with that?

Joyce Swann is a nationally-known author and speaker. Her own story of teaching her ten children from the first grade through master’s degrees before their seventeenth birthdays is retold in her book, Looking Backward: My Twenty-Five Years as a Homeschooling Mother. For more information visit her website at http://www.frontier2000.net/ or like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/frontier2000mediagroup.